How To Get Over A Breakup

If you’re reading this, you’re probably going through a tough time trying to move on from someone you thought was perfect for you. Maybe you’re finding comfort in listening to breakup songs, or constantly scrolling through their Instagram hoping to find closure or understand what went wrong. We’ve all been there, and it can feel overwhelming.

Breakups can occur for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes they happen suddenly and catch us off guard, leaving us feeling hurt and confused. Other times, it may be mutual - maybe the circumstances weren’t quite right or you simply weren’t compatible. Even if you were the one who ended things, it doesn't mean you won't need time to process your emotions and grieve the loss of your relationship.

The end of a relationship can bring about a deep sense of pain and sadness, similar to the feelings associated with a physical loss. After all, it signifies the end of a significant chapter in your life. It's natural to experience a range of emotions, such as heartache, disappointment, and even a sense of emptiness. It's okay to give yourself permission to feel these emotions and take the time you need to heal. Although there is no quick fix, this article offers ten useful tips on how to cope with heartache and navigate your own healing process.

10 Tips to Get Over a Breakup

Recovering from a breakup can be tough, but it's important to know that healing is possible. It's normal to experience ups and downs along the way, but with time, patience, and self-compassion, you will slowly but surely make progress. Remember that brighter days are ahead, and you will find happiness again. Everyone's healing journey is different, but here are ten tips which may help you to come to terms with the end of your relationship.

Talk to someone

It's completely okay and healthy to take some time for yourself straight after a breakup. When you feel ready, try to spend time with friends and family. Remember, you don't have to share the nitty-gritty details of your relationship if you're not comfortable doing so. Take things at your own pace and focus on surrounding yourself with people who care about you.

Allow yourself to grieve

Sometimes, there's pressure to quickly move on or get over the breakup, but it’s important to remember that grieving a breakup is perfectly normal. Understanding the stages of grief and practising self-care and compassion as you go through them can benefit your overall well-being, making it easier to move on in the long term. 

Remember the not-so-good times

After a breakup, you might start to idealise your ex and remember only the good times you shared. Remembering the not-so-good times and the challenges you faced in the relationship can serve as a reminder of why you broke up.

Cut ties with your ex

Staying friends right after a breakup can be confusing and make it harder to heal and move forward. Consider unfollowing or muting their social media accounts and limiting your communication with them. This will give you some time to reflect on what you really want in future relationships, and decide if staying friends with your ex is healthy for you in the long run.

Get rid of everything that reminds you of them

Holding onto things that spark old memories can prolong the heartache and make it difficult to let go. We’re talking about photographs, gifts, and any lingering possessions left behind by your ex. Donate them, throw them away, or if you’re feeling bold, hold a symbolic burning ceremony to mark the start of a new beginning.

Rediscover old interests

Think about what hobbies or passions got pushed aside when you started seeing your former partner. Dr Lewandowski, who delivered the TED Talk “Breakups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken”, suggests reigniting old passions is a powerful way to reestablish your own identity outside of the one tangled up with your ex.

Be kind to yourself

Try to treat yourself with the same patience and compassion you would if you were experiencing a physical injury. You wouldn’t beat yourself up for not going to the gym after breaking your leg. In fact, physical pain and the pain felt after a breakup may be more similar than you think. Research shows that the same parts of the brain activated during a physical injury also light up when people are shown photos of their ex flame. Be gentle with yourself and remember that just like a physical injury, emotional healing takes time.

Keep busy

You might find yourself with some extra free time after your break up. Try to stay busy and do things that you enjoy. Maybe take up journaling to express your feelings, or try volunteering at a local food bank or animal shelter to distract yourself from your own problems and do something that helps others. In fact, volunteers have been found to have greater life satisfaction and wellbeing!

Don’t jump into a new relationship right away

It may be tempting to find someone new to distract yourself from the overwhelming feelings surrounding the breakup, however, putting a band aid over your pain will not help you to heal. Instead, take this time to think about what you want in your next relationship, like more independence or honesty.

Consider therapy

If you're feeling particularly stuck in a period of sadness after the breakup, therapy can help. Sometimes a break-up can trigger emotions that go beyond the initial loss, which can contribute to challenges like low self-esteem or depression. Or perhaps the way the relationship ended reminds you of patterns from your past, such as betrayal or infidelity, which can make it harder to trust again. In therapy, you can explore these patterns, rebuild your self-esteem, and set goals for personal growth.

How long do breakups take to get over?

Getting over a breakup doesn't happen overnight. Some people may start to feel better within a few weeks or months, while for others, it may take longer. It takes time, especially if you have been together for a long time or if the relationship ended abruptly. But as time goes by, you will find that the pain of the breakup lessens, and thoughts of your ex won't occupy your mind as much. Slowly but surely, you will pull through and come out feeling stronger at the other end.